What To Say When You Don’t Know What To Say
Many people hesitate to offer comfort to those who are grieving because they think they don’t know what to say and are afraid of saying “the wrong thing.” You are not expected to – nor can you (unfortunately) – “fix it”. Don’t let this fear ultimatey prevent you from saying anything at all or keep you from offering what the grieving person needs most – YOU!
So, here are some guaranteed, sure-fire, no fail, could-never-be-the-wrong thing suggestions:
- Open your arms. Hug person. Listen. Repeat.
- I’m so sorry for your loss; I don’t know what to say. How can I support you?
- Open your arms. Hug person. Listen. Repeat.
- How are you?
- Open your arms. Hug person. Listen. Repeat.
- Just sit down next to them. Be there.
- Open your arms. Hug person. Listen. Repeat.
It’s that simple.
Vintage Awesome! 
Yes!!! Great advice.
Whenever a person you love loses a loved one, what they need is physical and emotional comfort (hugs, a listening ear, validation of how they feel).
There is no fix, only grieve. We love them by giving them the space to do so.
Laurie Gay
October 7, 2009
I really relate to this. As a whole, North Americans don’t grieve particularly well. And, consequently, we don’t know how to support someone who is grieving. Yet, we will all experience loss and grieve we must. Grief is not a linear process. We cycle back through our grief. Relive different aspects of it. And, because we have known grief, we might then experience anticipatory grief more easily. Grieving is hard work and, you’re right, no one can fix the problem. But to have someone sit, listen, hug, and ask what they might do makes it a bit easier to live.
Janice
October 11, 2009